When Words Wound
Mockery, Scripture, and the Neuroscience: Why “I Was Only Joking” Is Rarely Neutral
Mockery is one of the most socially accepted forms of harm. In families, churches, and even marriages, it is often disguised as humor, sarcasm, teasing, or “tough love.” And when someone names the pain it causes, they’re frequently told they’re too sensitive, reading into it, or simply can’t take a joke. But Scripture does not treat mockery lightly.
And neuroscience now helps us understand why.
I love humor. I laugh easily. This isn’t about being humorless. It’s about discernment.
There is a difference between laughter that brings life and laughter that costs someone else their dignity. When humor shifts from connection to contempt, something within us knows. We feel it in our bodies and we recognize it when it’s done to us.
Learning to discern that line requires both humility and boundaries: humility to examine our own hearts, and boundaries to name harm without being shamed for it.
“I Was Only Joking.” Scripture Already Answered That
The Bible repeatedly places mockery in the category of foolishness, pride, and destruction…not “misunderstanding.”
“Like a madman shooting firebrands and deadly arrows is the one who deceives their neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking.’” -Proverbs 26:18–19
Mocking speech is compared to weapons, not personality differences.
Words are not neutral. They shape identity, relational safety, and how the brain interprets the world. Jesus Himself warned that we will be held accountable for careless words…not just overtly cruel ones.
Mockery Is Neurologically Threatening
From the earliest stages of life, the human nervous system is wired to assess relational safety. A child’s brain is constantly asking, “Am I safe here? Am I valued? Am I being seen or targeted?” When mockery occurs, especially from someone with power or emotional closeness, the brain does not process it as humor. It processes it as social threat.
Neuroscience shows:
Social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain
(Eisenberger et al., 2003)Verbal humiliation increases stress hormones and amygdala activation
(Gunnar & Quevedo, 2007)Chronic relational stress alters brain development in areas responsible for emotional regulation and self-concept
(Teicher & Samson, 2016)
In simple terms…the body experiences mockery as danger.
This is not fragility. It is survival.
Mockery vs Playful Teasing: The Body Knows the Difference
Not all teasing is harmful. Scripture celebrates joy, play, and laughter and neuroscience agrees.
Playful Teasing
Mutual enjoyment
Equal power
Warm tone and facial expression
Easy repair if someone is hurt
No attack on identity
Nervous system remains calm and connected
Mockery
One-sided power
Dismissal when hurt is expressed
Repetition despite discomfort
Identity-based targeting (“you’re too sensitive,” “you always…”)
Amusement at another’s expense
Nervous system shifts into fight, flight, or freeze
The nervous system reads tone, posture, facial expression, and intent faster than conscious thought. When teasing is safe, the body stays regulated. When mockery occurs, stress responses activate immediately.
That’s why children often feel something is wrong before they can explain it.
Scripture recognized this long before neuroscience…
“An anxious heart weighs a person down.”
(Proverbs 12:25)
The Developing Brain and the Cost of Mockery
Children are especially vulnerable because their brains are still forming.
Research consistently links repeated mockery and verbal humiliation in childhood to…
Increased anxiety and depression
Heightened threat sensitivity
Shame-based identity formation
Difficulty trusting authority
Confusion between love and humiliation
(McLaughlin et al., 2014; Teicher & Samson, 2016)
Jesus’ warnings about children make profound sense in this light:
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for them to have a millstone hung around their neck.”
(Matthew 18:6)
He was not being poetic…He was being protective.
Mockery as a Learned, Generational Pattern
Mockery rarely begins in isolation. It is often learned, modeled, normalized, and passed down…sometimes under the guise of humor, discipline, or bonding. Neuroscience calls this social learning. Scripture calls it the sins of the fathers visiting the children.
Children don’t just learn what to say. They learn how power is used. Studies on intergenerational behavior show that relational patterns (especially harmful ones) are transmitted through observation, not instruction (Bandura, 1977; Yehuda et al., 2016).
Mockery becomes familiar.
Familiar becomes comfortable.
Comfortable becomes justified.
With time, the narrative flips. The harm we cause feels reasonable, even necessary, and the person affected is recast as the problem. This self-deception reinforces itself, slowly hardening our hearts toward other image-bearers.
And Yet…We Know…
Despite generational patterns, Scripture makes a bold claim…
“They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness.”
(Romans 2:15)
Mockery can be learned but it is never morally neutral.
Deep down, we all know…
when our words are meant to wound
when we are asserting dominance instead of connection
when we deflect responsibility by calling the other person “too sensitive”
Neuroscience supports this. Brain regions involved in empathy and moral reasoning activate even before speech occurs when we anticipate another person’s emotional pain (Decety & Cowell, 2014).
We are not unaware. We are often unwilling.
When Accountability Is Met with Deflection
One of the clearest markers of mockery is what happens after harm is named.
Mockery does not soften when confronted. It hardens.
“A mocker resents correction; he will not consult the wise.”
(Proverbs 15:12)
Psychological research shows that when shame is met without humility, the brain defaults to defensiveness—blame is externalized, and the injured party is reframed as the problem (Keltner et al., 2014). This is how mockery turns into self-deception.
“But encourage one another daily… so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”
(Hebrews 3:13)
Mockery does not only harm others. It deforms the one who practices it.
When Adults Bully a Child
I remember a family gathering where several adults were mocking my niece.
She was six.
They laughed at her reactions, her sensitivity, her expressions—treating her tender heart as entertainment.
I became visibly upset.
Years later, a family member brought it up again—not with reflection, but with laughter. They laughed at how upset I had been.
But I wasn’t upset because I was “too sensitive.”
I was upset because I was watching adults bully a child.
And I knew what it was like to be that girl.
Scripture is unambiguous:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
(Colossians 3:21)
Children are not practice fields for sarcasm. They are image-bearers entrusted to us.
Why Naming Mockery Requires Strength
Calling out mockery…especially in families or other covenant relationships—requires assertiveness and confidence in one’s identity.
Because when harm is named, the narrative often flips which can be re-traumatizing…
The mocker becomes the victim
The injured party becomes “the problem” for speaking up
Sensitivity is weaponized against truth
But Jesus warned us this would happen…
“Blessed are you when people insult you… falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.”
(Matthew 5:11)
Holding someone accountable for mocking isn’t weakness…it is moral clarity.
The Cost of Continued Mockery
Unchecked mockery leads to hardness of heart. Neuroscience calls it desensitization. Scripture calls it spiritual blindness.
“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over…”
(Ephesians 4:19)
When we repeatedly demean God’s image in others, we slowly lose the ability to recognize it at all.
The Invitation
This is not about shame. It is about repentance, repair, and restoration. Mockery can stop with one generation. With one person willing to say, “This ends with me.” Because the tongue was never meant to wound.
“The tongue has the power of life and death.”
(Proverbs 18:21)
And real love does not mock at the expense of others wounds and vulnerabilities.
References
Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? Science.
Gunnar, M. R., & Quevedo, K. (2007). The neurobiology of stress and development. Annual Review of Psychology.
Teicher, M. H., & Samson, J. A. (2016). Enduring neurobiological effects of childhood abuse and neglect. JCPP.
McLaughlin, K. A., et al. (2014). Childhood adversity and neural development. American Journal of Psychiatry.
Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory.
Yehuda, R., et al. (2016). Intergenerational trauma effects. Biological Psychiatry.
Decety, J., & Cowell, J. M. (2014). Morality and empathy. Trends in Cognitive Sciences.
Keltner, D., et al. (2014). Power, approach, and inhibition. Psychological Review.
POWERFUL!!!1
So true and necessary as our world tries to normalize cruelty and taunting as well as bullying and controlling. God does not want us to treat others this way. Pray for changes to occur.💪❤️🙏✝️